019 Coach or Psychologist

Today I refer to the last episode in which we discussed the question of success or happiness and which comes first. My conclusion was that you need to be happy to be successful, despite being taught our whole lives that it is the other way around!  So do I require a psychologist to become happy?

"Do I need a psychologist to be happy?"

As a psychologist the overall goal is to help people to overcome their obstacles. Human beings, and especially our brains, are like machines in that they get very used to doing things a certain way. Seeing a psychologist could help because they’re taught to look at the data from beforehand and how your life experiences shaped you. However, I do feel that the word psychologist has a negative stigma such as the idea of repairing or of medicine. Now we shift a bit to coaching because there’s only so much you can do by looking at the past. At a certain point, you need to be able to make that next step into the future. Being coached and having an individualized plan to achieve your goals is imperative!

"No one pays attention to their feet until they start to hurt!"

The problem with coaching is similar to having a stone in your shoe: no one pays attention to their feet until they start to hurt. This is when most people decide to go to the repair shop, or the psychologist. So there is this connection that only when something hurts or there is this problem should I do something to improve. Now, this podcast is for from leaders, for leaders who want to improve, those who aim a little bit higher. I have seen often with successful leaders they have this one problem. However this problem is just a symptom.

"If you are satisfied with yourself, you will never need a coach."

So, as opposed to a psychologist, a coach helps you with creating some goals and with looking forward. If you are satisfied with yourself, you will never need a coach. Realize that perfection is never to be achieved! The coach improves, whereas the psychologist usually tries to repair something from the past. There are some that would compare trainers to coaches. To me, training or a training course is designed to get groups of people from point A to point B. There is no close attention to detail. And that’s the reason why the coaches are so effective, because a coach works with your problem individually. This person shines a light on you and his only job is to make you the best version of yourself that you can be!

Stay in lead!

OLAF KAPINSKI 🙂

Transcript

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening whenever and wherever you listen to the Live It Lead IT podcast.

Today I extend to the last episode. The last episode was the question of success or happiness, which comes first.

And my statement was that you have got to be happy to be successful, not the other way around.

And we were talking behind the scenes a little bit about this.

Do I require a psychologist to become happy? Incidentally, we have a psychologist here in the studio. Hello Musaab!

Hey. So let me ask this professional question to you. I have this reference, here is bankrupt Bob and he wants to be happy because he accidentally listened to this podcast and it just made a bell in him. So do I need to go to you or your colleagues?

I think that’s a good question. I think as a psychologist, your goal is to help people to achieve their goals.

Usually, these goals are based on issues that they have. I think even forgetting psychology for a minute.

I think as an individual that’s trying to better themselves and trying to improve, I think you should make use of every available tool. So we spoke about being able to change your mindset with a thought. But human beings, and especially our brains, are like machines, so they get very used to doing things a certain way.

So for 20 or 30 or 40 years, you’ve been thinking and having almost like a negative or an excuse mindset and it’s very hard to shift that overnight.

I think seeing a psychologist could help, because they would be able to give you different mechanisms on how to cope with procrastination and how to avoid cognitive dissonance; how to avoid making excuses and help you achieve your goals.

I think it’s a really big part of improving yourself, dealing with the past.

I also think, though, that as a psychologist we’re taught to look at the data from beforehand, what happened to you before, how you grew up, where you moved; your life experiences and how they shape you.

But there’s only so much you can do by looking at the past.

At a certain point, you need to be able to make that next step into the future.

And that’s when I think you can also add something else to your plate, which would be coaching.

I think coaching, being coached and having an individualized, plan to achieve your goals is very, very important. Almost as important as having those coping mechanisms to deal with your things in the past. So we speak a lot about coaching on this show.

And why do you think coaching can play such a significant part in improving somebody?

Let’s get away a little bit from bankrupt Bob and his brother, redneck Bob.

Yeah, if we talk about this podcast as from leaders, for leaders, and this is for leaders who want to improve.

Nobody who doesn’t want to improve even knows what podcasts exist. Podcasts are the media for people who want to grow.

Yeah, and let’s stay with this people.

I think psychologists, as he said, looks into the past, tries to repair your thoughts in a way. Repairs is a stupid word for this, but tries to readjust your thoughts which you have.

Some trainer told me once, it’s never too late for a good childhood because the childhood is gone.

And you can either focus yourself on your evil uncle or you can focus yourself on the nice Christmas parties.

And the result is either a nice person or, you know, this frustrated wreck who was just telling everybody how shit the world is.

So this is all quite a decision. I’ve heard something lately in another podcast, and this guy said your goals are independent from a current position or situation.

It’s not true when you say, “Okay, the goal is I want to make a 1,000,000 in the next year.” Yeah, you only can make this goal when you already make 750,000.

So this is this stupid. Even if you have nothing, you can put on the plate the goal of “Okay,

next year, I’m gonna make a 1,000,000.” Then create a smart plan about this so it all starts with the decision.

So psychologists. Maybe you should write to us a little on this olaf@liveitleadit.com is the address, or you find everything on liveitleadit.com,

I feel that the word psychologist has a little bit the idea of repairing, of medicine, that something is not right with you or of, bringing you back in line or something like that.

There’s a negative stigma like you are not normal or something.

So to turn this around, and going back to your question coaching is, I think, the stuff that is extremely powerful for everybody who’s listening here. There is one problem with coaching and with training everybody. The problem is the stone in the shoe.

So when you walk, nobody feels the feet. And now that I mentioned your feet. But nobody feels the feet And nobody feels the shoes because it works.

We don’t feel the shoe, we don’t feel the foot. We feel the stone which fell in the shoe.

This is the point when people go to psychologist or, you know, go to the repair shop.

Because then there is something. So we’re not stopping to look at our shoes and think and say, “Well, my shoes.

I ran 10 miles, and nothing hurts. This is so cool.” Who does that? Nobody does it enough.

We stop immediately when something hurts. So there is this connection of something hurts, I have this problem, I messed up this presentation, and then people run to a trainer or to some repair institutions.

People who are listening to this show, I would say it’s quite likely that they never had such a thing.

The career is working, whatever tasks they do work, they aim a little bit higher to what they could do. And it just kind of works. And they listen to the right podcast shows and all of these things, they’ve switched off the media and so it works.

They may not feel a stone in the shoe, so that means they have no clue that they still only run on 5%, or on 10%.

And sure, I know you, listener, you are the exception, you run 50%.

I have seen it often that that I’m engaged by successful leaders, and we talk about big six digit incomes.

If this is a measure of success, they’re good on that line. They have this one problem and they call me to help them with this one problem.

And we get from this problem, which is not usually the problem. This is just, you know, a symptom. And then 10 questions later, we are at the real problem, work on the real problem. There, things really speed up.

So a coach, to take your example from the beginning, coach looks into the future. A coach doesn’t work with your childhood.

Now it works with your with your goals or sure, he helps you with creating some goals and with looking forward. Coaches are only for the people who understand I can have better shoes.

It doesn’t work for people who believe that their old military boots, which they were running in for the last 10 kilometers, are the greatest shoe mankind ever invented. hey have no clue that Nike created the air things well, 30 years ago.

So you know, this is an example breaks a bit it, but I think it helps. If you are okay with yourself, you will never need a coach.

Yes, the people who are listening to this, I believe are open enough to understand “Okay, I’m good but I can be better.”

 

Perfection is never to be achieved, we made an episode about this.

So the difference between the two of them, from my point of view, is that the coach goes for the future.

The coach improves, whereas the psychologist usually tries to repair something from the past and, you know, gets the bloody stone, he’s not selling Nike airs, rather than military boots my goodness. And I hope you listener, listen to the last five minutes carefully, because otherwise that last sentence didn’t make any sense.

So the same question to you listener. How does the word coach ring with you? How does this sound?

Is this something that you say “Yeah, a coach is something that I want, even something that I have,” or it’s just something that is, “I have no clue what a coach is.” Okay, fair point.

How does the word ring with you?

I mean, this would be curious for us and interesting for us to know that when it comes to improvement. Let’s give this another turn.

There are trainers out there and coaches, and I believe when you translate the words in German, they are the same, but let’s stick to the words trainer and coaches. Where’s the difference?

To me, a trainer or a training course or something like that is exactly that: it’s a course that drives you from A to B.

The training that I know is you have this curriculum, the starting point. You have 12 people in a room and you have the training until everybody has gotten from point A to point B, and you can replace the room with a Zoom session, or I don’t care, if you have one of these things. So this is, to me a trainer. It’s quite standard, and it’s usually one to many.

The coach works on a completely different battlefield. Coaching usually is one to one.

 You come with a thought, and you should open your mind because maybe what you think the problem is, is not the problem. Usually it’s not.

And that’s the reason why the coaches are so effective, because a coach works with your problem individually, no matter what comes. It can happen that the coach says, “Dude,

I think we’re at a point where I can’t help you anymore. Let me make some phone calls. I will find an expert who helps you in this direction.” So it’s more personalized than a trainer that you could get. I think that’s the commonality with psychologists. I mean, I believe they do it individually.

I want you to have these one on one sessions with this guy. I think this is the difference between coaching and seeing a psychologist. And this is why I love coaching.

Because it just, you know, this person is just full of lights on my issue, and his only job is to help me examine it. Great. All right. Thank you, Olaf. Go have a good one, bye.