018 Does Success Make You Happy

Let’s talk about happiness and how to achieve it. I want to be happy in life, so perhaps the way to become happy is to become successful. Because success brings happiness, doesn’t it? Let’s first define success. Success is achieving a goal that you have.

"Success brings happiness...doesn't it?"

I have an example I like to use; an American redneck named Bob. Bob is one of these uneducated people that is always eating crisps and sugar and watching television. He knows that he sucks and he hates the world because he sucks. Now he heard success makes me happy. He wants to be successful and to him success is dropping his weight to two digits! It is a goal that is achievable and fuelled by the motivational video he saw. By the next morning, he hates the world again. If you come from a grumpy, unhappy state then I cannot believe that you have any positive energy in yourself to achieve anything. Whining becomes a way of life and usually they have somebody to blame. No! If I’m not achieving anything I realize it’s my responsibility. Do not have that victim mentality. You will be successful when you’re happy. Happy people are nice to people and more confident. There is saying that if your cup is not full, how can you give to others? So be happy. Then you become successful. In my career, especially the coaching aspect of doing one-on-ones, I work with people high up in the food chain. All of them are nice people, even though they have high standards and they can become quite nasty when you don’t fulfil them. 

"If your cup is not full, how can you give to others?"

So the main question is, how do you get out of your shitty mood and into a positive mood? Open your eyes and look around! Start with the small things like stepping outside and into the sun or seeing a beautiful flower. Focus on the nice things and be thankful for what you have. You can decide that you want to be happy. Even if I was redneck Bob and I hated the world, this is my decision and I can change it at any time.

"You have the power to change with a simple thought!"

No amount of external motivation can replace your own internal motivation on whether to be happy or not! You have the power to change with a simple thought. This positivity is crucial. We’re talking to leaders here on this podcast and we said several times that empathy is the foundation of leadership. You must be able to get along with people. Nobody can get along with you when you are negative. Sometimes things don’t work. Screw it and try something else! First start with happiness, and success will follow!  

Stay in lead!

OLAF KAPINSKI 🙂

Transcript

Good morning, hello and welcome back to the Live It Lead IT podcast. So I just had a question.

 I want to be happy in life. So how do I become successful? Because I know success brings happiness, doesn’t it?

I mean, yeah, right, doesn’t it?

I think so, because obviously, I think success means different things to different people.

But if we’re talking about maybe always getting that beach body that you wanted or getting that promotion, it brings you success, which then makes you happy.

Let’s first agree on what is success. What is success?

Success ss achieving something that you would like to to achieve.

Okay, cool. So you have your own goal to achieve your goals. Yeah. Everyone has different goals. And, you say you are happy once you achieve your goal, right?

I hear this quite often, and I’m not sure if this is true. I seriously believe it’s not true.

Here is the starting set up.

You are, you know, one of these people called Bob. We shall call him Bob. So, Bob, I think the American term would be redneck.

You know, one of these uneducated people always eating crisps and sugar and watching television. And so far, and you know, and he knows that he sucks. And he hates the world because he sucks, right?

So he is not happy.

Now he heard success makes me happy.

He wants to be successful and let’s not aim too high.

You know, he is 200 years away from a beach body, so it’s it’s enough to go to two digits on the scale.  He heard about that and he says, “Okay, I will give it a go.”

He just switched. He forgot to switch off Netflix, and there was this motivational speaker or he got it on YouTube or whatever. So and he says, “Okay, now got it. Understand it. I need to have a goal and achieve my goal.” Good.

And it needs to be a goal that is achievable and not dependent on others and positive and out of these things.

And he just makes some effort and maybe somebody helps him with it.

And he said, “Okay, I want to get my weight to two digits.”

The difference is, let’s say 30 kilograms. I want that we keep this disgusting picture in your brain. He says “Okay, This is my goal.”

I want to lose weight and I hate the world. By the next morning, he hates the world again. And what he doesn’t do is see the same video again which made him feel good. So, he hates the world.

He is not successful, but he wants to be successful. So yes, let’s go to 99 kilogram. And now he goes.

How far do you think this will last? How long does this last?

Probably not too long. I believe you can count this in minutes.

Yeah, So if you come, and this is now going to my thesis, if you come from a grumpy, unhappy state then I cannot believe that you have any positive energy in yourself to do anything.

Because whining is very, very comfortable. And you’re in the whining mode like all the others. And everybody around you is whining.

You know, Bob’s cousin and all of these people in the bar.

They look like the same shit. They watch the same shit on television. They have the same crappy thoughts, and everybody convinces each other that everything is crap.

And maybe Trump is the solution to the world.

So the fucked up Chinese assholes, and it’s still crap.

And they convinced themselves that the whole world is not really worth living.

So if they wait to die, they wouldn’t call it like this because what these people usually do is they have somebody to blame.

It’s a very important part of being angry.

People who are angry are not happy. Usually they have somebody to blame. Yes, there are some people who are not happy and they don’t blame anyone.

And they change next morning because they understand, “Okay, I am too fat.”

I’m just fat. And I know that I’m fat because of I hate myself and I just go and whine.

But I’m not blaming the industry for selling me shit food and McDonald’s for being so cheap that I just can’t go by it. No, my responsibility.

So I figured, I’m not achieving anything, and I understand it’s my responsibility. So next morning, mirror and myself.

Dude, really? You and me are such losers. No, it ain’t gonna happen. So where’s the next gym?

So it’s not having that victim mentality.

So these people who are unhappy usually are in this victim mentality.

Life is out of my responsibility. No. Think again.

I want to know, I want to be successful because then I become happy.

I understand this direction, but turn this in the other direction. You want to become happy. That means you’re not happy. That means you’re in this victim mentality.

I can’t see that this is a successful starting position.

So my thesis goes the other way around. You will be successful when you’re happy.

What can you observe that you can tell me this person, the nice, blonde, tall surfer Bob is a happy person.

I think it has a lot to do with their social behavior.

So when you observe them speaking to people, they’re just nice to everyone there. They’re more confident.

They kind of have a spring in their step. They don’t blame others. They do take responsibility. I think that’s a huge part of it.

So basically, they’re the opposite of lazy redneck Bob.

He knows things and holds himself responsible. This is the ingredients for success? I mean, this is leadership podcast, and it’s a podcast about your life. Live It Lead IT.

So if you are not happy, others don’t want to be with you.

There is saying if your cup is not full, how can you give to others?

So if all day you’re wallowing in self pity you’re not gonna have the energy or the motivation to be nice to others to say a nice word. You kind of give that negative reflection to the world.

So you see your coworker wearing something nice or they have a new car that looks good and you like it, instead of complimenting them on it and making them feel good, you kind of try to spite them by not saying anything about it.

Because what’s the point? I feel like shit. And I want others to feel like shit as well.

You come home and you tell your wife that he is an asshole because you bet that this new car is a stolen or on credit, right?

All of these negative emotions.

 

So be happy. Then you become successful.

So we know in a lot of movies, happy people are seen in a very negative way. Usually the surfer boy in the movies looks charming. He is blond, he’s tall, he’s nice, He has money. And he is an arrogant pile of shit!

This is how these people very often come along in the movies.

Why? Because people like him don’t have time to watch these crappy movies.

These movies are made for average people like redneck Bob. Redneck Bob can’t stand that. These people are nice and nice and rich, so they must be wrong. They have to have a problem. They have to have something that’s wrong with them. Whatever you have in your brain as a negative attribute.

So usually surfer Bob is an arrogant asshole.

That makes redneck Bob be confident and say, “I could have had the same six pack, but I don’t want to be arrogant.” Yeah, I say to all of this bullshit. tThis is a huge pile of shit born out of jealousy.

This is why I love my job. Especially the coaching, the one on one coaching job. I work with people high up in the food chain.

All of them are nice people. And we were talking about my assumption on Steve jobs lately that people say he was an asshole on. I think he just simply had high standards.

I know a lot of leaders who have high standards and they can become quite nasty when you don’t fulfill them. Yeah, and some of them even behave in a way what I would say, “Okay, dude, here’s my red line and you are one meter in my territory. We need to talk about that one.”

I have the beauty of being the external one, so I could just make those statements. His employees cannot.

But still, these people are nice guys. So and again, I think the question is, how do you get out of your shitty mood into a positive attitude of the world.

I mean, if you open your eyes, you can’t seriously be in a negative mood.

If you watch the news, then you are negative. Why? Because I mean blood and boobs sell better than just nice words.

So that’s the reason why the news is full of blood and boobs. I mean, the the idea of newspapers and news networks and all of this is to scare you.

This is daily horror news. So if you’re still scared, don’t watch your crappy news and then get into a good mood, then aim for success.

Now we could open the question how to get in a good mood.

Exactly how to get into a good mood in a positive way? Because I get into a good mood when I eat a pizza or you sit down and watch a movie or whatever.

And if your goal was to go to the gym,  how would you, for example, get into a good mood to go achieve that goal?

So let’s not make such a big step.

If you are still redneck Bob with pizza on the sofa, Netflix and you have this piece of paper which says I should go to the gym.

Yeah, I believe that this is too big.

So, first, let’s start with the things that are already there. Not what you want to do.

The only thing that redneck Bob understood is that “I need to become happy.”

Yeah. So, redneck Bob, I’m not talking to you on a training plan and that you run the marathon next year. No. Who owns a sofa? How many people have such a sofa?

Maybe 500 million in the world. Yeah, we’re seven billion.

Okay, focus on the nice things. You live in a house? Is this your house? Sure. That’s my house. Well, you have a house. I don’t have a house.

Yeah, so have the focus.

First off, all of everything that you have

Do you live in a flat? Yes, but it’s too small. So? Yeah, but it needs to be renovated.

My goodness. Stop this. Here is your first exercise. Don’t mess around.

Let’s start there. Do you have a wife? And I accept that this is thin ice.

If you have a wife and you hate it, get divorced immediately.

Life is too short to suffer. And if you have a wife and you have one of these average relationships with sex once every quarter. It’s up to you.

Change it and again, change it in a positive way or get divorced immediately.

Yeah, but don’t stay in this average relationship, kids, parents, family, whatever. If there is nothing where you can say, ‘Yes, I like it,” then go away from these people.

So going back how to how to become that? I’m pointing it out because usually this is the last fortress off luck in the life of people. Everything sucks.

But so far, Bob loves his wife. Yeah, and I hope that’s the case.

Or he loves the parents. That’s the case.

Yeah. So focus on how to get help.

How to become happy? You focus on the things that you have that are very, very good. I talk about these small, small things. You get out of the house, you open the door and there is the sun ray right in your eye.

Because on the left side, the sun came up over the roof on the other side.

How beautiful does that look? Yeah, you look down and there is this little flower.

I know I’m talking about small things. It’s this first flower. This is where this all starts.

So focus on the things that you got.

I understand that this is yours. Nobody could take it. Yeah. By the way, being being happy is a decision.

I can decide that I want to be happy. Even if I would be redneck Bob and I hate the world. Hating the world is a decision, believe it or not.

You decided to go into this bar down the road and whine around the world. And then vote the wrong party or president.

So and I’m not making any reference to Hungary where we are at the moment.

So no amount of external motivation can replace your own internal motivation on how to be happy or whatever.

So happiness is a decision.

Just like being satisfied or not satisfied with what you’re doing or how you are in life. It’s a big thing.

You have the power to change it just by a simple thought.

Okay, here I am. I’m a redneck, Bob, and I can wake up next morning and say I’m happy, you know you can.

And don’t wait till tomorrow. I believe happiness comes first because happiness brings you in this state where you are relaxed, where you can live your own creativity, where you are nice to people.

We’re talking to leaders here and we said several times that empathy is the foundation of leadership. You must be able to get along with people. Nobody gets along with you when you negative.

So this brings you in the position that you see the opportunities, that you allow yourself self-confidence to seize these opportunities and make them from an idea into reality.

Sometimes things don’t work. Well, screw it. Try something else. Something was learned, done. Next one, start with happiness. Then success comes by itself.

If you hate yourself, you’re not going to the gym. It will not happen. We were talking cognitive dissonance in another episode. Excuse masters bring it to the point that they say, “Okay, here I am on the sofa and I will go to the gym. But not today, you know, you need to understand my back hurts. But tomorrow. I mean, seriously tomorrow.

So tomorrow. Oh, the gym is quite far away and my car’s broken.” And so on for next week.

Cognitive dissonance. The master excuse. So your life doesn’t care. You shouldn’t care on your own. Stupid excuses, right?

The only thing that matters when we talk about the gym is the muscle. Nothing else matters. So start with happiness. Thank you, bye!